The first and most enduring measure of success is what we see in the mirror at the end of each day. Have we displayed integrity? Have we done our best to serve the truth?” – Paul Rogat Loeb – The impossible will take a while
I found the question of this post planted in my heart a few days. I appreciate reader that a fewer days ago has no bearing on you because sometimes I post this musings weeks or months after I have put my metaphorical pen down. For now though, it is a few days after and the question lingers in my soul. Not my head if, that makes sense. It’s my soul that has the pleasure of churning this question. It’s not a goal orientated question; I am not about to update my life plan or goal list for this year. I am also not in crisis wondering if I am on the right career/ relational/ side hustle path. It is just a question which decided to stop for a few days, but which will eventually lose its profoundness and move on. When I initially met this question, I wondered if it meant what should success be with a collective we in mind or whether some celestial being was asking me how I measure success. I still don’t know. The question wants to remain as “what is success”. So here I am pondering this question.
I am a quarter way through Empire of Pain by Patrick Radden Keefe. for full disclosure, I have been a quarter way through since January because the compounding madness of their family history became a little too much to stomach in one go. Anyway, as I haphazardly go through the book, it seems that the Sackler family reached the zenith of what (in my personal opinion) society measures as success. This isn’t an indictment on the morality of the Sackler family. Everyone and a few grand juries have done that. I don’t know why, but when I sat down to write this and think about my lingering question, the book and the family came to mind.
Man’s sensitivity to the little things and insensitivity to the greatest are the signs of a strange disorder – Blaise Pascal
I found nothing desirable in the Sackler story. It’s one of dysfunction, broken families and seemingly unhappy people who just seem to bear it for the greater (family) good. What family though doesn’t have its on questionable stories? I can’t say I would want to follow in their footsteps with the form of success they have gained. Theirs is a success of building names and the pursuit of idolisation.
I don’t know what yardstick I use to measure success. Worryingly or not depending on who you ask, I don’t quite peg success at a c-suite title. I haven’t got to a stage where I enjoy driving to care what kind of car I have. I misplace things too often to be attached to material goods – if i can’t afford to lose it, I can’t afford to buy it is usually my motto. There is no accolade that comes to mind that I’d be interested in winning. I do want financial stability – there’s no caveats there, but its not so much as how many zeros, but enough to always be able to be generous. But then the tiny voice in my head reminds me, levels of generosity is not dictated by the amount in your bank account. I think the only thing that comes to mind is the type of home I have. I’m fussed about what space I reside in or call home.
Without being too corny, I just want to be of service. I know what you’re thinking, I work in big law (as the Americans call it). I am of service to a very select group of people who on the spectrum, probably look more like the Sackler family rather than those who, objectively speaking, need help. I have no defence to offer. Still my ambition is to be of service and not really to chase “success”. For me the pursuit of success sits uncomfortably. I may be accused of thinking small or being unambitious, but i’m uncomfortable with the marriage between modern definitions of success and capitalism. Capitalism for me doesn’t seem a fair system and I think offers little justice to those who need it most. YOU WORK IN BIG LAW, I hear you say again. I know – I don’t know, call me a hypocrite, but I will also be first at the picket line when the revolution comes.
THE WEEK THAT WAS:
Words of note –
The essential detail of all tragedies is that you do not see them coming. The tragedy creeps up on you; shadows in the unflinching darkness, the all-consuming night, like death and dying. The very thing that tore us apart was the same thing that brought us together: faith, mine in her, hers in the above. See, I believed in her to the point of worship. Would kneel, palms touching, hands clasped, eyes closed, to a god with her face, praying she would never leave.” – JJ Bola, The Selfless Act of Breathing
Thankful for –
time spent with family
good books
time off
after the wilderness 